Boys have feelings, too. This was the third morning in a row my first grade son has had strong emotions and anxiety about going to school. Each morning it has taken me thirty to sixty minutes to get him into his classroom. He is terrified of his Spring Sing concert next Thursday and for several weeks he has been in tears over this event. His teachers have been wonderful and understanding about it, and he and I are problem solving towards a solution that will help ease much of what he is feeling.
Yet I’m giving him the room he needs to have all the feels.
I’m not rushing him through it nor covering it up. I’m not apologizing to anyone for it. I’m not trying to mask it when we’re in the hallway and he is curled on my lap crying or buried into my chest begging to not have to go to school that day. I’m not asking him to ‘man up’, or telling him ‘boys don’t cry’. I’m not demanding he ‘toughen up’ or ‘act like a big boy’. I’m letting him be Ben. That’s all he can be. That’s all he should have to be.
I’m letting him feel fear.
I’m letting him feel uncertainty and doubt.
I’m letting him ask for help when he feels overwhelmed.
I’m asking him to tell me what he is feeling and experiencing.
I’m letting him cry, and cry in front of others.
I’m letting him set his limits that feel right for him.
I’m doing all this because, one, I’ve been through it with his big sister for years so I’m familiar with the terrain of anxiety. And two, because by giving my boy the space and the right to have feelings I am establishing a truth for him: He is a human being and he will have a range of feelings and emotions in life, and he has every right to them and to work through them.
If only all of our boys were given those same rights.
Melissa Atkins Wardy is a speaker, media consultant, and the author of “Redefining Girly: How Parents Can Fight the Stereotyping and Sexualizing of Girlhood, from Birth to Tween”. She is the creator and owner of Pigtail Pals & Ballcap Buddies, a company that has been offering empowering apparel and gifts to Full of Awesome kids since 2009 www.pigtailpals.com.